


DILF guilt: a manual for newbies

by ivermectin



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Nate Archibald: Relationship Coach, POV Vanessa Abrams, Pining (implied), Repression (also implied), Unrequited Crush, everyone in this fic is 20+ years of age, having a crush on an older man: limited extra guilt edition, no adult/minor relationship (this feels like an important clarification), small mention of canon sexual abuse (sorry nate)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28546476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: "She’s not sure when it started, really; when she realised that more than Dan, it was Rufus who was really her best friend."Or: Vanessa doesn't know what to do with her feelings, so she talks to Nate about it.
Relationships: Vanessa Abrams & Nate Archibald, Vanessa Abrams/Rufus Humphrey
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	DILF guilt: a manual for newbies

**Author's Note:**

> there were genuinely moments in s2 (I think it was?) where I was like. uh. are these two _supposed_ to have romantic tension??  
> sadly since I cannot rewatch the show I cannot point out those specific moments, but I remember they were there.  
> Honestly, I wouldn't count this as a "problematic" fic. it's just Vanessa with a crush. let my girl live!

Vanessa goes to Nate’s because it’s the only solution she can think of. There’s been too many jokes about it all – Nate’s affinity for MILFs, how in his twenties most of the women he’s been with are all a decade or so older than him, whatnot. If there’s anyone she can trust not to judge her for this, it’s him.

He lets her into his apartment with a warm smile and a customary hug, and they both sit next to each other on the couch.

“What’s bothering you?” Nate asks.

Vanessa frowns; she hadn’t realised that she was being that obvious.

*

She’s not sure when it started, really; when she realised that more than Dan, it was Rufus who was really her best friend. The time she spent at the coffee shop working and all the hours spent at the art gallery never clocked as anything strange or unusual, but one day she’d woken up and had to confront that the swooping feeling in her stomach had always been there.

There was a time when she’d thought that she wanted Rufus as a dad, because her own parents made her feel small all the time, and he’d always been so genuinely happy for her when she was happy, he’d always been so proud of her when she’d succeed at things, so unconditionally accepting. That wasn’t Rufus as a father, though; he’d put Dan and Jenny through the ringer over the years, and besides, she didn’t really want to be his daughter as much as she wanted to be his peer.

She liked that they were equals; that he’d talk to her about gallery sales and things that were frustrating him, that he’d sometimes get out old photo albums and share anecdotes related to his days on tour, like he really wanted her to know him. She even liked that he could play an acoustic guitar and an electric guitar and smile so easily while he did it, looking at her like he was blessed to have her listening to him.

And Vanessa hated it.

She hated the fact that, somewhere down the line, so subtly that it’d taken her ages to even notice or admit it to herself, she’d started popping in to visit Rufus rather than Dan or Jenny. She hated that Rufus was easier to talk to than Dan, even. Dan could be so self-absorbed, could sideline her so easily and without even realising that he was doing it. Rufus always focused on her, listened to what she had to say.

Vanessa hates the concept of inevitability, hates the idea that sometimes things just happen to you and you can’t stop them. But when have feelings ever been rational? She knows it’s not going to go anywhere. She can make her peace with it.

That’s not the part of this that’s making her uncomfortable. She isn’t sure exactly what is.

*

“Whoa, okay,” Nate says, once she’s said it aloud to him and gotten it all off her chest. “And I assume you’re here because of my reputation with older women?”

“Yes and no,” Vanessa says, still not looking at him. “I needed someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge me, who would understand. I can’t talk to Dan about this, obviously.”

Nate smiles, but there’s something uncertain in his expression. “I’m not really the best person to go to for advice,” he says, his voice almost sad. “Most of the older women I’ve been with took advantage of me in some way or the other, and now I’m sort of realising that it’s possible that I don’t really like women, anyway.”

Vanessa swallows, looks at him, at the way he is deliberately not looking at her. “Nate.”

“That said,” Nate says, looking at her. “You shouldn’t ever feel guilty about your feelings. So you find your best friend’s father attractive. That’s fine, Vanessa, it happens to more people than you’d expect. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Vanessa sighs, leans against Nate, who puts an arm around her easily. _There’s nothing wrong with you._ She thinks maybe she’d just really needed to hear that.

“What do I do now?” Vanessa asks, quiet.

“You live with it,” Nate says, equally quiet. “You stay friends with Rufus, or you avoid him, whatever you think you can handle. You try not to feel bad about yourself. You wait for the feeling to pass.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Vanessa asks. Half-joking, she says, “Do you think I have a chance?”

“I don’t know Rufus well enough to hazard a guess,” Nate says, smirking cheekily, and _god,_ he’s going to be insufferable about this. His expression gets serious almost immediately, and he continues, “You’ve grown up with Dan, to some extent, so Rufus might just see you as a daughter, or as a child, even though you’re neither his daughter, nor a child, and you’re old enough now to make your own choices. But I’m sure you knew that already.”

Vanessa shrugs.

“If you really want to date someone older than you, I’m sure there are ways to do it which aren’t inherently predatory,” Nate tells her calmly. “My luck’s been awful, but that doesn’t mean yours has to be.”

“It’s not like I was going to make a move on him anyway,” Vanessa says, feeling terrible and embarrassed and somehow splayed open, even though Nate is being so nice about it – possibly even because Nate is being so nice about it. “Is it weird to be better friends with your best friend’s dad than you are with your best friend?”

“I wouldn’t know, most of my friends have comically awful parents, which you knew already,” Nate points out. It’s a good point.

He takes her hand, squeezes it once, gently. “It’ll be fine, Vanessa. You’ll be okay.”

“I’m twenty-four, and still behaving like a fucking teenager,” she groans, putting her head in her hands.

Nate pats her head comfortingly, gets up, walks over to the kitchen and returns with a bottle of champagne. “Aren’t we all?” he asks her.

Despite herself, that makes her smile. Nate always makes her feel better without needing to actively do anything; it’s just who he is.

“I’ll drink to that,” she says.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading; hope you liked this!


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